The Adventures of Baby Neji

The Adventures of Baby Neji (originally known as "First Meeting of the Evil Uncle", but DA doesn't allow titles as long as that)

"Aw, Hizashi, your son looks adorable!" Exclaimed Aburame Kaho in a rather unusual display of affection. But when the newborn, Neji, looks and smiles at you with those cute, grey eyes, you really can't help it, Aburame or not.

"Yeah, congrats, I guess. I'm sure your kid will turn out to be a fine ninja." Said Nara Shikaku, for once not smoking a cigarette since his wife forbids him from smoking near the baby.

Everyone was here: The Aburames, The Naras, the Akimichis… Even the fourth Hokage was here to celebrate the birth of a new Hyuuga.

Hizashi was a little upset at first, due to the fact that little Neji would some day have to bear the same curse seal that was adjourning Hizashi's forehead at that very moment, but then decided that he shall let nothing stand in the way of rejoicing for his precious son, who was already showing minor qualities of a genius (of course, it may have merely been imaginings concocted by his rather dazed mind, but he was absolutely sure that his son would one day be an extraordinary ninja. After all, what Hyuuga isn't?).

"Hey, where's your twin?" Kiba's future dad had to ask. He then leaned on a small cabinet which somehow made him fall out of balance.

"Ow! Mother****er!"

"Hey!"

"Oi!"

Hizashi swiftly covered Neji's virgin ears to protect him from the vulgar word. He also wanted to punch the Inuzaka for saying it, but soon found that Inuzaka Tsume was taking care of that for him.

The now rather irritated Hyuuga replied, "Hiashi-sama is on a mission, but should be back soon."

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out he missed the birth of his own nephew!" Inochi chuckled gleefully. "Never liked the guy."

"Well, we'll get a glimpse of it soon, wouldn't we? Now, I'm afraid you have to leave. It's getting late and I would like to visit my wife in the hospital before introducing Neji to his uncle." With that being said, the non-Hyuuga party left the compound and returned to their own clan homes, but not without saying goodbye to Neji, who laughed at them without a care in the world.

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Long after everyone left, Hiashi finally returned from his mission, which turned out to babysitting some bratty kids since there weren't any important missions. To Hiashi however, it was a nightmare. Even with his awesome Hyuuga powers and prowess as a ninja, the three triplets were still annoying as heck and although easy to track, weren't exactly easy to catch. So the future head-of-clan came home, covered in sticky candies and mud.

"Why hello there, Hiashi-sama!" Sang out his rather happy-looking twin.

Hiashi should have known something was up when Hizashi called him "Hiashi-sama" without looking sarcastic or mumbling something about fate immediately after.

"I have a request, brother. Won't you come to me and my wife's room after you cleaned up and ate? I must show you your new nephew!"

Nephew? Hiashi thought. The first thing that came to mind was "Excellent, another promising young child to blah blah blah *insert speech about clan here*". The second, much more normal for someone in his state, was "Oh heavens, another kid?"

"Very well then, I shall come forth shortly." He replied stoically.

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"His name is Neji, Hiashi-sama. Isn't he adorable?" Hizashi carried his little bundle of joy over to Hiashi, who looked at Neji with cold eyes. Neji stared right back at him, blinking his young, innocent eyes. Hiashi sighed, icy heart melting a little.

"Hn. I suppose he is rather "adorable". He shall become a powerful ninja someday." Hiashi said, never dropping his cold exterior though it was obvious that he took a liking to the boy.

Hizashi smiled. Neji took this time to attempt to crawl from his father's hands to his uncle's. Hizashi's grin got bigger and he handed Neji to Hiashi, who had no choice but to hold his nephew.

Neji looked at his uncle's face and grabbed his robes, saying "Muh…muh…" over and over.

"I think my son is trying to tell you something." Hizashi laughed, though he was a little jealous that his son wanted to talk to Hiashi first and not him.

"I suppose we shall find out what he is saying soon enough."

"True."

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It has been half a year and the only thing Neji ever says around Hiashi is "Muh…muh….".

Although most people (including Hizashi and Neji's mom) thought it was sweet how Neji would keep repeating these words and try desperately to make it sound eligible until his face became as red as a tomato, Hiashi soon found it too be very annoying.

One day when Hiashi was babysitting (again) for Hizashi due to some obscure reason, Neji opened his mouth and started making those weird noises once again.

"Oh, dear Kami." Hiashi's patience was at an end. "If you have something to say, boy, then speak up! Stop making strange noises."

Neji ignored him and continued his struggle to form words. And at that horrible, horrible moment, he finally succeeded.

"Muh…muh… Mother****er!"

Hiashi froze.

"Mother****er! Mother****er!" Neji clapped his hands happily, pointing to Hiashi and repeating that phrase again.

"Mother****er!"

Hiashi furrowed his brows and tried desperately to stop himself from forming hand signs.

"It might cause interference with his mission… Ah, screw it! He has ten other Jounin with him, how could his mission fail just because of this?"

*Somewhere that is not the Hyuuga compound*

"Thanks for the ramen, sir!" Random Jounin No.1 exclaimed.

"OK guys! Now that we're full and the mission's done, we can head home!"

"Yay!"

"Yay."

"Ow, my forehead feels- AHHH! OH KAMI IT HURTS!!!"

"Hey Hizashi, what's wrong?"

"You know, you have to pay for that table you knocked over and broke when you fell, clutching your head in pain."

"Uh…"

"But since I'm feeling nice today and it's because of a curse seal, I'll let it pass just for once."

"Uh… Thanks, I guess."

"I have some aspirin; do you want one, Hizashi?"

"No thanks, I'm fine."

"I don't have anything, but I have this white powder made of opium poppy my brother sent me. Want to try some, Hizashi?"

"…"

~end~